Crazy Cat Lady Redefining The Game

Poland- A woman who was trying to create a Frankenstein dog in a series of sick experiments involving dead and live animals has been arrested.

The woman had almost 100 dead animal bodies some of which had looked like they had been experimented on in the freezers of her home in Warsaw, Poland.

Officers raided the house an acting on a tip-off from neighbors who had complained about the smell and noise created from dozens of cats in the building.

A police spokesman said: "She was banned from keeping dogs, she had become obsessed with creating a new breed of dog and when that became no longer possible she switched to experimenting with cats."

"There has obviously been some sort of sick experiments going on but until we get the autopsy is back on the bodies and have looked at the injuries to the life cats we won't know more about exactly what she was doing here."

The woman faces up to two years in jail this time for animal cruelty if police confirm that the animals were abused for illegal experimentation purposes.

What a story, this lady is exactly the kind of iconic figure that cat ladies need to strive to be. Having cats isn't enough, you need to up the anti and create some sort of franken-creature composed solely of cats. Does taking cats and stuffing pieces of them together really make a franken-dog? I don't see how it could, considering they are cats and not dogs, but then again I'm no expert on the matter. This lady was obviously a talented scientist nearing a breakthrough before these asshole cops had to cat-block her. Give her one more year of cramming a bunch of cat legs together and who knows maybe we get a new best friend to play with. 

Teacher Goes On Racist Halloween Rant

Ohio- Firestone High School teacher David Spondike, 51, took to his Facebook page Sunday night to let the world know how he felt about kids from the “ghetto” daring to trick-or-treat at his house. According to screenshots of the rant sent to local news outlets by an anonymous Facebook friend, Spondike was upset about one of the children urinating outside:

"I don't mind if you come to my neighborhood from the ghetto to trick-or-treat. But when you whip out your teeny dicks and piss on the telephone pole in front of my front yard and a bunch of preschoolers and toddlers, you can take your n****r-ass back where it came from! I  don't have anything against anyone of any color, but n*****s, stay out!"

We get it Dave, you hate seeing all those tiny dicks around your neighborhood, but you can't just be dropping N-bombs left and right over it. Gotta have the foresight to see that move as being a bad one. And are these dicks even that teeny? That's a bold accusation, I mean think of the crowd you're dealing with here. 

Oh and this guy's track record is ridiculous too. He is accused of choking a student, throwing a chair, and spitting on the floor in the classroom. If having a teacher like that doesn't keep you focused and on your toes at all times than I don't know what will. Hats off to the passion Spondike, but maybe clean up the language a bit.

ps- This may be most hilariously contradicting sentence of all time. "I don't have anything against anyone of any color, but n*****s, stay out!"

8th Grader Acts Like 50s Woman And Gets 300k For It

Deadline- Ok, get ready to feel inferior. When an eighth grader named Maya Van Wagenen found herself struggling to fit in with her new classmates, she followed the seemingly outdated wisdom from a 1950s advice book for help. Not only did Maya crack the code to becoming popular by using ancient tips from Betty Cornell’s Glamour Guide For Teens, she kept a diary. That journal is the basis for a six-figure two book deal with Penguin Group. And now, at the ripe age of 15, Van Wagenen has become the youngest non-actor to ever make a feature deal at DreamWorks.

The studio has optioned Popular: One Geek’s Quest For The Impossible, as well as that Betty Cornell book. They’ve set Amy B. Harris to script it into a coming of age feature. Harris certainly knows that terrain; she transitioned from Sex and the City scribe to showrunner of the popular spinoff The Carrie Diaries. Mad Chance Productions’ Andrew Lazar will produce with Kristie Macosko Krieger.

This is heady stuff for Van Wagenen, who is now 15, but book publishers went wild for her story of struggle, and how she found social footing by following such advice as: always wearing white gloves, using pearls as a fashion accessory; and never forgetting that a girdle can be a girl’s best friend. The most important lessons conveyed were timeless ones like being open and honest, and kind. She found that each social clique was distrustful of the others, and that all of the kids bore similar insecurities. She was able to find common ground and feel for the first time like she belonged.

This girl, Maya Van Wagenen (such a weirdo name), is apparently getting paid $300,000 for her journal about getting popular in eighth grade by acting like she is from the 50s. I remember eighth grade quite vividly and wearing white gloves and a girdle 24/7 was a sure-fire way to end up eating tater tots alone in the bathroom. I don't know if maybe she's from some freakshow town, but that style would not cut it in my middle school. Eighth grade is the year when everyone's hormones start raging and if you're not getting middle school girlfriend hjs then you're doing it wrong.

Am I actually just bitter that I didn't make 300k for dressing weirdly while I went through puberty? Yes.

Does This Look Like The Face Of My Friend Crushing The Dorms

This is a video of my buddy casually bumpin and grindin late night Saturday, can't stop won't stop.

Funny thing is the girl was barely drunk, just a good sport.

Terrelle Pryor Stretched Before The Game

Decent first set of downs.

                                       

Man Fatally Shot In Pink BMW In Detroit

Detroit — Police are investigating a fatal shooting at a bank drive-thru window on Detroit’s east side Friday morning.

Investigators were on site at Charter One bank in the 16500 block of E. Warren Avenue before 10 a.m., where a shot-up, pink 2003 BMW 760Li sat in place in front of the bank window. The car’s passenger side window featured seven bullet holes that police believe were fired by a single assailant.

Detroit Police Capt. Charles Mahone said the shooting occurred around 9:45 a.m. as the owner of the car was stopped at the bank window. The suspect fired at least seven shots through the passenger window and may have walked around to the driver’s side to pull the victim from the car.

Let me start by saying this random murder is fucked up obviously. These are the two facts of the story, he was driving a pink BMW and he was in Detroit. 

Now I'm not gonna straight up say he deserved it, because thats insensitive, but he was most definitely asking for it. Did he not know that Detroit is more of a war zone than Gotham City? Was he unaware that driving a pink BMW around said warzone is considered a suicide attempt for each mile he survives? Some guy who got interviewed talked about his casual reaction to the gunshots, I've never heard a random gunshot but I think I would urinate instantly if i did. I just don't understand why people still continue to live there when there is basically no laws at this point. 

Penn Bans Strangers From Touching Pregnant Bellies

Penn- It's something almost every pregnant woman goes through -- someone touching her belly. Well, there'll be no more of that for strangers in one state.

It is now illegal in Pennsylvania to touch the belly of a pregnant woman without her permission.

It started with a case, where a man is facing harassment charges for doing just that.

This is something I've never understood, why the fuck are you touching a random lady's stomach? It's fucking weird. What does touching that woman's stomach achieve? Whole lotta shadiness going down in the pregnant toucher's mind. It probably gets annoying as fuck for the pregnant lady too, every few minutes someone walking up and rubbing your stomach. I don't think that's something I'd be into unless I had washboard abs, self-conscious city. Big ups to Penn. for finally standing up for whats right and setting this weird ass law in place.

Hands down creepiest gif I've ever seen.

LSU's Tiger Is Awesome

                         

After looking into it I now know that Mike the Tiger has been around for almost 70 years so this isn't anything new, but still I need a better mascot. How the fuck does LSU get to have a giant tiger to play with/cuddle and I have some douche dressed up as a human. I mean yeah, celebrating a big friendly white man is kind of hilarious, but fuck the Minuteman, gimme something bad ass like a wolf or a rhino. Having a fucking rhino on campus would be unreal. Instead I get to be pumped up by looking at a normal dude. I know its patriotic and such a Massachusetts thing to do but I don't care I want more.

Radical Christians Leave An Interesting Tip To A Gay Waiter

Kansas City- When a waiter went to pick up the check after a so-called Christian couple completed their meal he found, in lieu of a tip, a vitriolic message.

It began on a complimentary note: “Thank you for your service, it was excellent.”

Unfortunately, that was just the “tip” of the iceberg.

Kansas City KMBC TV found out about the incident on Facebook where customers of Carrabba's Italian Grill are rallying in support of the waiter.

The message, written on the back of the credit card receipt, continued: “That being said, we cannot in good conscience tip you, for your homosexual lifestyle is an affront to GOD.

“Queers do not share in the wealth of GOD, and you will not share in ours.

“We hope you will see the tip your fag choices made you lose out on, and plan accordingly.

“It is never too late for GOD's love but none shall be spared for fags.

“May GOD have mercy on you.”

The waiter has seemingly taken it in his stride.

“The offers to help pay me back are much appreciated, but not at all needed,” he said.

“I'd prefer to let my work ethic and my service do the talking, nothing else.”

Shoppers spoken to by KMBC were less understanding, Will Rogers describing the act as despicable.

“It's not different from saying I'm not tipping you because you're black, or a Jew, or anything like that,” he said.

“In this day and age, being gay, it's not really any cause for a fuss.”

Charles Ferrozza blogged on The Pitch: “I wish a brave Carrabba's manager had been on hand to toss the bigoted couple's self-righteous asses out into the parking lot.”

It is not the first time this year that a self-proclaimed Christian has used faith as an excuse not to leave a tip.

In January, a waiter at an Applebee's outpost was given, instead of a tip, an admonition from a female minister.

She wrote on the receipt: “I give God 10 per cent. Why do you get 18?”

OUCH. Sorry queerbag but you made way too many faggy choices to even let these heaven hungry Christians consider giving you shit. No way your cock gobblin' ass is getting anything other than a lesson. And you better hear that lesson loud and clear because God's love is NOT spared on fags, oh but thanks again for the great service, it was excellent. 

There are not many groups of people that are more absurd than radical Christians. Just preaching about loving each other then flat out destroying gays. Kind of a class act for this guy not to try to sue or get donations for being bullied.

ps- Sneaky awesome move capitalizing all the letters of God, kind of made it feel like God was mad at me and I'm not even a butt stabbin' poofter.

UPenn Underground Frats In Trouble For Being Awesome

Huff Po - UnderTheButton, a student-run blog at the University of Pennsylvania, got a hold of some emails from underground fraternities at the Ivy League school this week. We’ve learned two things from the emails: these guys buy a lot of vodka and are worried about which underground frat that girls like the most.

First, a little primer on these fraternities: they are actually not recognized by the university. The university has a giant, bold warning on the Penn Greek life website telling students to “Beware the Renegades”:

A number of organizations exist at Penn that claim to be fraternities or sororities. The may think of themselves in that way, but they are not legitimate general social fraternities or sororities recognized or sanctioned by the University of Pennsylvania. Many of them rose out of the remnants of chapters that were closed down for serious disciplinary action, and the dangerous culture that existed then continues to be perpetuated.

Houses like OZ, Theos, Owls and Apes are some of these “nuisance houses,” as the university refers to them. And just because they are underground doesn’t mean they don’t still have rush and house rivalries, as the emails UnderTheButton captured from the Theos listserv show.

UnderTheButton also got some emails from Oz, another underground house, which show these guys apparently spend a lot on vodka.

Well I'll never! These fraternity brothers certainly have been misbehaving! Buying vodka and being mean?! Color me surprised!

Shut. The. Fuck. Up. I'm assuming that most, if not all, of the people doing these investigations and publicizing them graduated from college, or at least have some idea of what takes place at college. It's like as soon as a person turns 30 they forget about the college life. I'm still living it so I'm extremely well aware of what goes on here and am happily a part of it. This shit happens and has been happening for decades and will continue to happen. 

The part that I don't get is the student-run blog that outed these bros. Did one of these kids fuck all of your girlfriends or is the blog solely run by uppity bitches? If you don't want to be involved in that scene then don't be. That simple, no reason to try to ruin their fun just because you're too nervous to take a sip of a Twisted Tea.

Belgian Pigeon Racing Using PEDs

Breitbart- Nothing is sacred it appears in the high-flying world of pigeon racing in Belgium, where six birds were found to have been doped with drugs such as cocaine and painkillers, Belgian media reported Thursday.

Cycling-mad Belgium is used to hearing of sports stars pumped up on performance-enhancing drugs, but officials are now homing-in on the birds used in a sport which rakes in millions in breeding and prize monies.

The Belgian pigeon-racing federation sent samples from 20 birds to the National Horseracing Authority of Southern Africa after a recent exchange visit, two Flemish dailies reported.

Although tests on the same birds in Belgium had not revealed a problem, the South African lab did.

"Cocaine in one, painkillers and anti-fever drugs for another," the newspapers reported.

Belgian pigeon racing has acquired new-found fame recently with the 310,000 euros ($430,000) sale to a Chinese gambler of the country's top-performing bird "Bolt," named after six-time Olympic sprint champion, Jamaica's Usain Bolt.

The riches and glamour now on offer have brought with them problems of theft from breeders and racketeering.

Over the summer the star pigeon Bolt and hundreds of other Belgian racing pigeons were held up by Chinese customs in a row over their declared value which triggered a multi-million euro entry wrangle.

The sport sees specially bred and trained pigeons released from a specific location and race back to their home loft.

So disappointed in myself for not knowing about the high-stakes gambling world of Belgium pigeon racing. Some people may believe that these pigeons are being fed these drugs as performance enhancers, I'd like to think otherwise.

Being a pro in any sport comes with a lot of fortune and fame, but also an enormous amount of pressure. The top pigeon in the game, Bolt, just got "signed" to a $430,000 contract, you don't don't think he's gonna party? So what he bumps a few lines and swallows a few painkillers with his fellow athletes, no reason for the Belgian pigeon-racing federation, BPRF for short, to come sniffing around his cage. Lay off, let the pros enjoy their time at the top.

Texas Mom Rips Off Son's Scrotum

edit: tooting my horn a third time, beat J-Mac to this one.

Gawker- The wife of a soldier stationed at Joint Base San Antonio was taken into custody by the FBI this week after she allegedly tore her six-year-old son's genitals as punishment, and then used superglue to fix them.

According to the criminal complaint affidavit, Jennifer Marie Vargas's husband returned home on September 27th to find bloody paper towels stuffed down his crying son's underwear.

Upon closer inspection, it was revealed that the child's scrotum had been partially severed, resulting in a 4 centimeter-long tear and significant bruising.

He was rushed to the hospital where surgeons were able to repair the damage.

The affidavit says Vargas, 34, admitted to inflicting the injury out of anger with the child.

She told agents she attempted to treat the wound with alcohol, and then "applied superglue to the (boy's) scrotum until the bleeding stopped."

After lining his underwear with paper towels, Vargas "then told him to go to bed."

Vargas was arrested this past Wednesday and charged with assault within maritime and territorial jurisdiction resulting in serious bodily injury.

If convicted, she faces up to 10 years behind bars.

The most confusing part of this story is that they didn't mention what the kid did wrong. Like this can't be a F on a test or a sent to the principal's office situation. I'm never one to side with the party that's ripping off scrotums, but if your own mom is so mad at you that she rips off your testicals then you must've done something pretty terrible. '

Although this may not seem like a positive story, let's try to look at this in the best light possible. He may be officially infertile. Shredded nutsack has to be a sure-fire way to stop yourself from having kids. One day he may visit his psychotic bitch mom in prison and thank her for putting him through a few days of torture so that he may live the rest of his life free of condoms and children.

How about her method of solving the situation too? Alcohol, superglue, and paper towels... good call lady that'll have your kid fixed up in no time. 

Alabama Just Can't Figure Out Diversity

Tough break for Bama here. They are just trying to show off the little diversity that they encounter, and yet theres one problem. The black guy they snapped this beautiful picture of happens to be the only black guy on the planet that has black skin and white hands. Rough. Such an unlucky day for Alabama's administrators, I mean now they're going to have to hear about all of the ridiculous allegations that they were actually just photoshopping a black male's face onto a white male's body. What an asinine allegation! You think Alabama is so racist that there is literally no other possibility that they encounter whites and blacks together? Come on, that's ludicrous! Just look at A.J. McCarron and Bama's punter and kicker, they hang with black folk all the time! .... You keep doin you Bama.

Cavs Fan Turns Beard Into a Basketball Hoop

edit: Tooting my own horn, did this post before DMV Nate.

Did I just find Pres a new advertisement associate? This guy may be the coolest guy I've ever seen. He makes me want to go outside with an axe and chop down some trees just so I can prove my manliness to myself. You let this guy roll around in a blood sweat and beards shirt and have him shoot the shit at Sox games and Pres may be turning those internet millions into actual millions.

I mean look at that, portable beard 6 pack while dapping up Andy Dalton. I feel like using your beard as a backpack for beer makes drinking in public legal. Does security stop you and ruin your perfect facial accessory? No chance.

University of Colorado Banning Controversial Halloween Outfits

Telegraph – University students in America have been told not to wear “offensive” halloween costumes including cowboys, indians and anything involving a sombrero. Students at the University of Colorado Boulder have also been told to avoid “white trash” costumes and anything that portrays a particular culture as “over-sexualised” – which the university says includes dressing up as a geisha or a “squaw” (indigenous woman).

They are also asked not to host parties with offensive themes including those with “ghetto” or “hillbilly” themes or those associated with “crime or sex work.”

Christina Gonzales, the dean of students, wrote: “Making the choice to dress up as someone from another culture, either with the intention of being humorous or without the intention of being disrespectful, can lead to inaccurate and hurtful portrayals of other people’s cultures.

People have also chosen costumes that portray particular cultural identities as overly sexualised, such as geishas, “squaws,” or stereotypical, such as cowboys and Indians.

Additionally some students have hosted offensively-themed parties that reinforce negative representations of cultures as being associated with poverty (“ghetto” or “white trash/hillbilly”), crime or sex work.

This article gives me the perfect opportunity to plug my friend and my upcoming Halloween costumes. Maybe my best costume yet, but also perhaps the most offensive. The thing is its kind of a lot more offensive than going as a cowboy or a hillbilly and yet Boulder administrators seemed to have let these costumes slip for some reason. I will be getting piss drunk next weekend and I will be going out as Helen Keller. I'm talking full tilt, blind, deaf, and drunk. I'm going to yell in a deaf persons voice while colliding with people/objects and possibly mistakingly letting my blind hands grab a slutty cop's ass. Then there is my friend.... oh what an idea this is. He will be rollin' around UMass lifelessly in a wheelchair as everyones favorite handicapped brainiac, Stephen Hawking. This will be a difficult act and I'm quite sure this will be seen as a bit more offensive than being a hot indian, but heck they didn't ban the handicapped so we're good!

Saban Laying Down The Law

edit: Tooting my own horn twice, did this post before sobol.

TUSCALOOSA, Alabama — It's hard to miss the large gaps of empty seats after halftime of recent Alabama football games.

Though players and coaches say they don't notice the size or noise, coach Nick Saban is joining the list of university leaders who say it needs to improve.

"I've talked about players playing for 60 minutes in the game and competing for 60 minutes in the game," Saban said. "And, in some kind of way, everybody that choses to go to the game should stay there and support the team for the game."

He also had a solution to the issue.

"Maybe if you're not interested in doing that, you should let someone else go who would really like to go because I have a lot of people who want to go," Saban said.

It impacts more than just the players on the field, too.

"We have lots of recruits there, we like to see an enthusiastic full stadium," Saban said. "We have a beautiful stadium and one of the nicest venues in all of college football and I think we all should show our appreciation for it by staying and supporting our team for the whole game."

Hey Bama fans, the fuck is this? For all that rolling of the tide that you do don't you think you could cut Saban some slack and stick around his games for a bit? I mean this guy is practically your God, you can't just leave him hanging at half time. I mean yeah there is literally no chance that it is a good game, and yeah you have won every game by at least 25 (except when Johnny Footballs in town), but come on show some love for the team that is the only thing making your life worth living.

Also how about how Saban handled this, was it just me or did he sound like a whiny 14 year old girl? "Maybe you should let someone else go if we're not good enough, hmph!"

Soda Dumping Round 2

Absolutely love to see this. There haven't been many times in my life where I can say I witnessed history take place, but this is undoubtedly one of those times. One soda dumping was amazing, but TWO?  This is going to take off. I doubt many people can say that they have watched as a meme developed but I believe that's exactly what we're doing. Now all we have to do is sit back and watch as the ante is upped. Cup of soda, 16 oz bottle, where will it stop? Soon kids will be running around with 2 liter bottles of soda praying to get facialed on TV.

Clemson bro, you sir are a pioneer.

ps- what do we call this? Dumping/Coking must be off the list so I guess my go to would be Cokekkakke?

Sox vs. Cardinals Game 1

Edit: Just read the part about don't send World Series blogs etc... already did this so no point deleting.

Oh shit, Wainwright vs. Lester in game one? That's gonna be a pitchers battle. I mean look at the camaraderie between Wainwright and Molina. No chance they blow this right?

Besties!!! But oh wait...

Things don't always turn out like you thought, huh?

Figured the Sox would come out swinging tonight after having faced off against Detroit's stud lineup, but who knew that would happen? Boston's bats went to work tonight. Absolute blow out, felt like the game was over after the first inning. Papi got robbed (great catch by Beltran), but we still came up with 3 in the first. After that the Cards were finished. We had the momentum and we never gave it up. Lester pitched a gem, becoming just the fourth pitcher ever to have eight strikeouts and zero runs allowed in game one of the World Series. On to game 2, keep the train rolling at home then head straight to Missouri to drink the tears of the Cardinal's faithful.

Ps- Love the battle going on for the true Mr. October, Papi grand slam.... rejected.

But sorry Beltran, have fun in the hospital while big Dave goes yard.