Crazy Cat Lady Redefining The Game

Poland- A woman who was trying to create a Frankenstein dog in a series of sick experiments involving dead and live animals has been arrested.

The woman had almost 100 dead animal bodies some of which had looked like they had been experimented on in the freezers of her home in Warsaw, Poland.

Officers raided the house an acting on a tip-off from neighbors who had complained about the smell and noise created from dozens of cats in the building.

A police spokesman said: "She was banned from keeping dogs, she had become obsessed with creating a new breed of dog and when that became no longer possible she switched to experimenting with cats."

"There has obviously been some sort of sick experiments going on but until we get the autopsy is back on the bodies and have looked at the injuries to the life cats we won't know more about exactly what she was doing here."

The woman faces up to two years in jail this time for animal cruelty if police confirm that the animals were abused for illegal experimentation purposes.

What a story, this lady is exactly the kind of iconic figure that cat ladies need to strive to be. Having cats isn't enough, you need to up the anti and create some sort of franken-creature composed solely of cats. Does taking cats and stuffing pieces of them together really make a franken-dog? I don't see how it could, considering they are cats and not dogs, but then again I'm no expert on the matter. This lady was obviously a talented scientist nearing a breakthrough before these asshole cops had to cat-block her. Give her one more year of cramming a bunch of cat legs together and who knows maybe we get a new best friend to play with. 

Teacher Goes On Racist Halloween Rant

Ohio- Firestone High School teacher David Spondike, 51, took to his Facebook page Sunday night to let the world know how he felt about kids from the “ghetto” daring to trick-or-treat at his house. According to screenshots of the rant sent to local news outlets by an anonymous Facebook friend, Spondike was upset about one of the children urinating outside:

"I don't mind if you come to my neighborhood from the ghetto to trick-or-treat. But when you whip out your teeny dicks and piss on the telephone pole in front of my front yard and a bunch of preschoolers and toddlers, you can take your n****r-ass back where it came from! I  don't have anything against anyone of any color, but n*****s, stay out!"

We get it Dave, you hate seeing all those tiny dicks around your neighborhood, but you can't just be dropping N-bombs left and right over it. Gotta have the foresight to see that move as being a bad one. And are these dicks even that teeny? That's a bold accusation, I mean think of the crowd you're dealing with here. 

Oh and this guy's track record is ridiculous too. He is accused of choking a student, throwing a chair, and spitting on the floor in the classroom. If having a teacher like that doesn't keep you focused and on your toes at all times than I don't know what will. Hats off to the passion Spondike, but maybe clean up the language a bit.

ps- This may be most hilariously contradicting sentence of all time. "I don't have anything against anyone of any color, but n*****s, stay out!"

8th Grader Acts Like 50s Woman And Gets 300k For It

Deadline- Ok, get ready to feel inferior. When an eighth grader named Maya Van Wagenen found herself struggling to fit in with her new classmates, she followed the seemingly outdated wisdom from a 1950s advice book for help. Not only did Maya crack the code to becoming popular by using ancient tips from Betty Cornell’s Glamour Guide For Teens, she kept a diary. That journal is the basis for a six-figure two book deal with Penguin Group. And now, at the ripe age of 15, Van Wagenen has become the youngest non-actor to ever make a feature deal at DreamWorks.

The studio has optioned Popular: One Geek’s Quest For The Impossible, as well as that Betty Cornell book. They’ve set Amy B. Harris to script it into a coming of age feature. Harris certainly knows that terrain; she transitioned from Sex and the City scribe to showrunner of the popular spinoff The Carrie Diaries. Mad Chance Productions’ Andrew Lazar will produce with Kristie Macosko Krieger.

This is heady stuff for Van Wagenen, who is now 15, but book publishers went wild for her story of struggle, and how she found social footing by following such advice as: always wearing white gloves, using pearls as a fashion accessory; and never forgetting that a girdle can be a girl’s best friend. The most important lessons conveyed were timeless ones like being open and honest, and kind. She found that each social clique was distrustful of the others, and that all of the kids bore similar insecurities. She was able to find common ground and feel for the first time like she belonged.

This girl, Maya Van Wagenen (such a weirdo name), is apparently getting paid $300,000 for her journal about getting popular in eighth grade by acting like she is from the 50s. I remember eighth grade quite vividly and wearing white gloves and a girdle 24/7 was a sure-fire way to end up eating tater tots alone in the bathroom. I don't know if maybe she's from some freakshow town, but that style would not cut it in my middle school. Eighth grade is the year when everyone's hormones start raging and if you're not getting middle school girlfriend hjs then you're doing it wrong.

Am I actually just bitter that I didn't make 300k for dressing weirdly while I went through puberty? Yes.

Does This Look Like The Face Of My Friend Crushing The Dorms

This is a video of my buddy casually bumpin and grindin late night Saturday, can't stop won't stop.

Funny thing is the girl was barely drunk, just a good sport.

Terrelle Pryor Stretched Before The Game

Decent first set of downs.

                                       

Man Fatally Shot In Pink BMW In Detroit

Detroit — Police are investigating a fatal shooting at a bank drive-thru window on Detroit’s east side Friday morning.

Investigators were on site at Charter One bank in the 16500 block of E. Warren Avenue before 10 a.m., where a shot-up, pink 2003 BMW 760Li sat in place in front of the bank window. The car’s passenger side window featured seven bullet holes that police believe were fired by a single assailant.

Detroit Police Capt. Charles Mahone said the shooting occurred around 9:45 a.m. as the owner of the car was stopped at the bank window. The suspect fired at least seven shots through the passenger window and may have walked around to the driver’s side to pull the victim from the car.

Let me start by saying this random murder is fucked up obviously. These are the two facts of the story, he was driving a pink BMW and he was in Detroit. 

Now I'm not gonna straight up say he deserved it, because thats insensitive, but he was most definitely asking for it. Did he not know that Detroit is more of a war zone than Gotham City? Was he unaware that driving a pink BMW around said warzone is considered a suicide attempt for each mile he survives? Some guy who got interviewed talked about his casual reaction to the gunshots, I've never heard a random gunshot but I think I would urinate instantly if i did. I just don't understand why people still continue to live there when there is basically no laws at this point. 

Penn Bans Strangers From Touching Pregnant Bellies

Penn- It's something almost every pregnant woman goes through -- someone touching her belly. Well, there'll be no more of that for strangers in one state.

It is now illegal in Pennsylvania to touch the belly of a pregnant woman without her permission.

It started with a case, where a man is facing harassment charges for doing just that.

This is something I've never understood, why the fuck are you touching a random lady's stomach? It's fucking weird. What does touching that woman's stomach achieve? Whole lotta shadiness going down in the pregnant toucher's mind. It probably gets annoying as fuck for the pregnant lady too, every few minutes someone walking up and rubbing your stomach. I don't think that's something I'd be into unless I had washboard abs, self-conscious city. Big ups to Penn. for finally standing up for whats right and setting this weird ass law in place.

Hands down creepiest gif I've ever seen.